Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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