they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
