go do what you do best...puke behind churches
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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