wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
