You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
