thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Randomize
