smell my finger.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
