i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
