Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I cut my penus on the lid.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
