Duck Duck Cougar?
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
