Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
