I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
