Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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