Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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