Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
