Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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