Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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