I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
