Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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