We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
