He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
