Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
