is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
