im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
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