i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
