listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
