Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
