How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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