Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
