her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
