So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
