Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
