I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
