I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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