I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
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