he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
