You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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