I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Holy sore nipples Batman
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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