So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
