nut hugger
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
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