u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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