Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
the day after is always just damage control
we're making bets on your personal life
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
