I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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