We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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