the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
