Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
