Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
