So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
