Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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