remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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