Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
