Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
