I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
