I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
