I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
